ordinary_feelings･ﾟ｡☆

2026年02月25日(水)/23:20

It was a really emotional day today.
I cryed a lot, it was nice.

Someone really pritty gave me thair number yesterday and we made plans to meet next weak.
We texted a little and my new speakers finally arived.

Sadly something kinda shitty happened around 15:00 [that i could've avoided], and I went outside for a walk and some fresh air.
I wanted to distance myself from how I woud feel at home.

I ended up staying outside over 4 hours
I don't remember the last time I was outside without a reason.
First I went into the inner city, to give a document to my therapist.
Then I decited to go over to my best friend's place.
After talking a little bit I left and took a walk to a park a little farther away.
I wanted to go back there for a while, after some friends showed me a nice place there about a year ago.
But I just never found a reason to.
[i also didn't see them since that day]
By some crazy luck, they happened to be there and were really happy to see me.
I felt happy there.

We smoked together, and it felt like back when I started.
Back before everything.
Ater talking for about an hour they went home, and so did I.

I got to enjoy the nice weather today, watch the sunset witch friends and walk home as it got dark, enjoying the streetlights.
Just being outside from around 15:00 to 20:00 was weirdly one of the nicest things I've done in a while.
I felt like all my worries where lifted for the first time in years, even if just for a moment.
It made me be ability to cry again for once when I was home again.

I know I sadly won't keep feeling how I do right now, but at least I know I can feel like this.
I'm scared, but I'll try. Especially with next week coming up.

2026年02月23日(月)/22:20

I'm kinda suprised I managed to finish this website in 2 days.
I'm also really glad I did.
From my other website I already learned that writing a blog sometimes helps me work through my emotionts, and with the added layer of anonymity I finally can comfortably talk about anything.
I often struggle being honest about my feelings, especially since I already struggle with understanding them in the first place.

I hope someone who relates to some of the things I talk about happens to find this page.

2026年02月22日(日)/01:20

After smoking all my weed yesterday I had my first sober day in a while.
[if you count hangover as sober]

Yesterday made me reflect on myself.
For the past two years I had few sober days, and every attempt of sobriety failed after a couple days.
I don't have many memories of 2025, and the ones I do, I would rather forget.

I laid down on the floor and thought about what I would want my life to look like, at one point last night.
My heart rate started to speed up and I felt a strange pain build upin my whole body.
After a few seconds I jumped up as if I woke up from a nightmare.
I think that pain came from the fear of not being able to achieve that life.

I want to change, but I feel like I never do.
I'm scared I might be standing in my own way.

2026年02月21日(土)/01:40

test
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipisicing elit. Vero vitae iste ratione corporis! In quaerat, velit voluptas nihil odit, quibusdam cupiditate excepturi nisi repudiandae et illum necessitatibus laborum enim eos.